i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
