I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
