he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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