I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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