i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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