Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
