Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
