I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm jealous of your bromance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
