first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
