What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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