If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
