I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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