I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize