You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
