I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
