i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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