i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
