hotel room ftw
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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