Can i not drive my cunt home
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
