I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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