So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
