our cab driver is having phone sex.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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