She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
