Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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