Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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