so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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