a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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