I skipped work to stalk him.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
