I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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