Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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