I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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