You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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