I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize