just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
