I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
