One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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