A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
