WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
