I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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