So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
