You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
