Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
