TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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