Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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