I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
