Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
