and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
