By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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