That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
