maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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