Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
