He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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