i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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