no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
