I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
