If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
