Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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