I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
