woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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