I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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