So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
