someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
