Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
