What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
