She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
