she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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