He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
