The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
