You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
