I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
