We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
