I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
