OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
