Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
