I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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