Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
